Once upon a time, there lived a princess who was too smart for her own good. She kept her heart guarded, practically with a moat and fire-breathing dragon, because she had had it broken two too many times in her life. Not broken by a guy, but because she was so passionate about something. She put all of her heart and soul and energy into something, and it didn't reciprocate. The two times this happened hardened her, made her more cautious, because she knew she wasn't ready to handle that heartbreak again.
Of course, that princess is your very sarcastic author, Xaylia. I realized I live my life like it's all a grand science experiment now. I can't blindly believe things without proof. I've got to see, and feel, for myself that something is truly right before I can accept it. All of this can be factually represented by the pretty much giant failure that is my love life.
I didn't get my first kiss until I was 18 years old. Let's not even begin to elaborate on the many levels of suck that that is. I dated the guy who gave me my first kiss for about a year and half, until I ended it. He was going to college away from home, I was staying home, and I wasn't going to be able to see him at all because of the commitments he made. I was realistic with my decision to call it quits, and I don't regret it.
And then there's the fact that I dated a guy for a year and a half and didn't have sex with him because I knew he wasn't the right person. Yes, I listened to the facts my heart was telling me. Again, no regrets, but sometimes I feel like a baby for having my virginity in tact at over 19 years old. But then there's most of the time when I know I made the right choice. I want it to be special, and I know it will be with the right person, and I know that's a value our society has lost.
Now that I've introduced myself, back to my life.
I worked with this guy, we sort of fell into a flirtationship with each other. He was the exact guy a girl shouldn't fall for: he could so easily go off and change the course of his life with not even a moment's notice. He was five years older then me, ambitious, worldly, and kind of hot. He had his shit together, unlike most guys my age. I'm a bit beyond my years, I've always been told I was born middle-aged, so we seemed to click.
He asked me out. Then he left two days later for a two-month job where he was traveling around the country. He sent me a birthday present while he was away, it was really sweet.
And while he was away, I became absolute best friends forever with his sister.
He came back and his entire family fell in love with me. Things went back to normal, but this time we actually tried to keep it secret. Somehow, having my best friend, his sister, know of our flirtationship didn't feel right. We snuck around a bit. May have made out a few times, and then he left to spend the summer in London.
I feel for him. Realistically, I shouldn't have fallen for him. But in reality, he was everything I was looking for. Smart, funny, good-looking, stylish, adventurous. We had chemistry.
His name was Ian. The older brother of my best friend Jen. His older brother, Andrew, became my best friend when he was in London.
Right before Ian left for London, for about a day, I got that 'he's just not that into you' vibe. I hardly heard from him while he was in London.
I held onto this lingering hope that things would work out with Ian for the longest time, until I came to the realization that Ian was simply a reminder that there are guys out there who've got what I'm looking for. A reminder that it's ok to have high standards, because there are guys out there who will meet them. And when those right guys come into my life, the chemistry is great, and the ensuing reaction is worth the wait.
Princesses are told to keep their 'head, heels, and standards high.' While this princess may have a closet filled with pumps and stilettos, she sometimes needs a reminder to keep those standards as high as the heels she wears. And not to lower them for any guy. There are guys out there are who are just what she's looking for. She proved that hypothesis with a guy named Ian. Maybe it's more fun to be a scientist than a princess.
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